12 Ways to Support Your Friend With Lyme, Lupus or other chronic illness, during this holiday season
The holiday season is often described as “the most wonderful time of the year,” brimming with joy, gatherings, and traditions. However, for someone living with a chronic illness like Lupus or Lyme disease, the festive season can bring unique challenges. Chronic conditions such as these come with symptoms like debilitating fatigue, joint pain, brain fog, and heightened stress sensitivity—all of which can make the holiday hustle and bustle feel overwhelming.
If you have a friend navigating the holidays with a chronic illness, you may wonder how to support them meaningfully. Small acts of care and understanding can go a long way. Whether you also live with a chronic illness or are a healthy ally, here are 12 thoughtful ways to support your friend this season:
1. Check In Without Expectations
Reaching out to your friend can be a simple yet powerful way to show you care. Send a thoughtful message like, “Thinking of you and hoping you’re having a gentle day,” or “No need to respond, but I’m here if you need anything.”
Living with a chronic illness can feel isolating, especially during busy seasons. By checking in without expecting a reply, you remind your friend they’re in your thoughts—even if they’re too fatigued to engage. Avoid messages that create pressure, such as, “You never respond—are you mad at me?” Instead, let your words be a source of comfort and not an obligation.
2. Gift Restful Experiences
When choosing a holiday gift, think beyond traditional presents and focus on items that support your friend’s well-being. Consider a subscription to a meditation or sleep app, a weighted blanket for soothing comfort, an essential oil diffuser, or cozy, high-quality pyjamas.
Thoughtful doesn’t have to mean expensive. A handwritten card with a heartfelt message or a playlist of calming music curated just for them can be just as meaningful. The key is prioritizing their comfort and peace.
3. Respect Their Boundaries
Your friend may not be able to participate in all the holiday activities they’d like to, and that’s okay. Chronic illnesses often come with fluctuating symptoms, and your friend may need to cancel plans last minute or decline invitations altogether.
Support them by respecting their boundaries. Instead of expressing disappointment, say something understanding, like, “I completely understand—take care of yourself first. Let me know when you’re feeling up to connecting.” This shows empathy and helps them feel less isolated during a season filled with social obligations.
4. Offer Help With Holiday Tasks
The holidays often bring an overwhelming to-do list: shopping for gifts, decorating, cooking, and attending events. These extra tasks can be exhausting for someone managing chronic fatigue or pain.
Offer practical help, such as running errands, wrapping gifts, or putting up decorations together in a low-energy setting. You might say, “I’m heading out to shop; can I grab something for you?” or “Would you like some company while decorating?” Tangible assistance can make the season more manageable and enjoyable for them.
5. Be Flexible With Plans
The unpredictability of chronic illnesses means your friend’s energy levels and symptoms can change from moment to moment. Be flexible and understanding if plans need to shift.
If they cancel, pivot to something lower-key, like a phone call or a quiet visit at home. Reassure them with, “No problem at all—let’s find another time that works for you.” By being adaptable, you show your friendship is about connection, not rigid schedules.
6. Educate Yourself
Taking the time to learn about your friend’s condition is one of the most impactful ways to offer support. Understanding symptoms like fatigue, joint pain, or brain fog can help you empathize with their experience.
You don’t need to be an expert—a basic understanding of Lupus, Lyme disease, or their specific condition is enough. Look to reputable sources like the Lupus Foundation of America or LymeDisease.org. Educating yourself helps you offer meaningful support and avoid common misconceptions, like assuming they “look fine” so they must feel fine.
7. Host a “Chronic Illness-Friendly” Gathering
If you’re hosting a holiday event, consider ways to make it inclusive and accessible:
- Provide seating with good back support.
- Keep the noise level manageable.
- Offer food options that accommodate dietary restrictions, such as gluten-free or anti-inflammatory dishes.
- Check in with your friend beforehand to ask about accommodations they might need.
Your effort to create a comfortable environment will mean a lot to them.
8. Surprise Them With “Bad Day” Essentials
Chronic illnesses come with difficult days when even basic activities feel unmanageable. Consider gifting your friend a care package with comforting items like herbal teas, a soft heating pad, soothing skincare products, or a light, engaging book.
You can also include personal touches, like handwritten notes with encouraging messages. These small gestures can brighten their toughest days.
9. Validate Their Feelings
The holidays can bring mixed emotions for someone with chronic illness. Your friend might feel sadness over missing traditions or frustration with their limitations. Instead of offering platitudes like, “Just think positively,” validate their feelings by saying, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this—your feelings are completely valid.” Sometimes, simply listening with empathy is the most supportive thing you can do.
10. Offer Practical Help Post-Holidays
The aftermath of the holidays can be just as exhausting as the season itself. Offer to help with post-holiday tasks, like taking down decorations, organizing their space, or running errands. These small acts of kindness can ease their transition into the new year.
11. Advocate for Awareness
Use your voice to raise awareness about chronic illnesses like lupus and Lyme disease. Share accurate information on social media, participate in advocacy campaigns, or educate others about the realities of living with these conditions. Your advocacy can not only support your friend but also help create a more empathetic and informed community.
12. Just Be There
Above all, the most meaningful thing you can do is simply be present. Whether through a heartfelt conversation, a quiet hangout, or a small gesture like sending a text, your presence shows your friend they’re loved and not alone.
A Holiday Season Rooted in Care
Supporting a friend with Lupus, Lyme disease, or any chronic illness doesn’t have to be complicated. Small, thoughtful actions rooted in empathy and understanding can make a big difference. This holiday season, let’s prioritize care and connection—not just through presents but through genuine presence.
How do you plan to support your loved ones with chronic illnesses this holiday season? Share your ideas in the comments!